Archive for December, 2007

Breathe even deeper.

Just when you think things are organised…………

We have identified a number of trees that require attention due to a combination of age, weather damage and simply being in the way of caravans.

The tree surgeons will visit, and will prune back growth, remove damaged branches and generally look after the health of our trees.

The removed branches will then be used around the perimeter of the caravan park in a “buffer zone” to create a habitat for wildlife… helping us on our way to a David Bellamy Conservation Award. The new habitat will form a home for all sorts of small wildlife… hedgehogs, insects, etc.

The work will take 3 men 5 days. For safety, it needs to be done while there are no members of the public around. In other words, it needs to be done during the close-down.

Hopefully we will still be ready for 1st March….

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Take a deep breath

cartoon from 

January approaches, and so does the annual close-down on 7th January.

This is the time when all the heavy work takes place, and this year it will be no exception.

We have to move four caravans off their pitches, ready to resite them when the work is over.

We have to dismantle two wooden balcony decks, ready to rebuild them when the work is over.

We have to move six caravans off and have them taken away from the Caravan Park.

We have to take delivery of six new caravans, site them on concrete bases, lay paths, and connect them to mains services.

We have to resite and reconnect the four caravans that we moved out of the way earlier.

We have three weeks to do this.

Then we have to make way for the Tarmac contractors to relay our main entrance road, which currently is old, potholed, concrete.

They have one week to do this, including time for the tarmac to set.

We have to rebuild the two timber balcony decks, and repair all the lawns, paths and patios that have been damaged by moving 8 tons of caravan over them.

We have two weeks to do this.

Add a week for staff holidays, and we are left with one week spare, in case things don’t go completely to plan.

We have to be ready to reopen on 1st March.

It’s going to be tight………. stay tuned!

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A Drug User’s Poem.

I destroy homes, I tear families apart, I take your children, and that's just the start.
I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold, The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.
If you need me, remember! I'm easily found, I live in schools, the mall, in town and all around
I live with the rich; I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door.
I'm made in a lab, but not like the ones you think, I can even be made under anyones kitchen sink.
In your child's closet, ever think that your kid would If that scares you to death, well maybe it should.
I have many names, but there's one you know best, Heard of "crystal meth", if you did you pass the test.
My power is very awesome; try me and you'll see, But if you do, you really may never ever break free.
Try me once, I may let you go with your life's goal, But try me twice, and I guarantee I'll own your soul.
When I possess you, you'll steal and to all you'll lie, You do what ever you have to do, just to get high.
The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms won't be like the scare from the first burglar alarms
You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad, And when you see their tears, you will feel so sad.
You'll forget your morals and how you were raised, I'll be your conscience, an teach you my evil ways.
I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from God, and separate friends.
I'll take it all, from you, your looks and your pride, I'll own you and always be with you, right by your side.
You'll give up everything - your family, your home, Your friends, your money, then you'll be all alone.
I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give, When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.
If you try me, be warned, this is certainly no game, And If you give me the chance, I'll drive you insane.
I'll ravish your body, an control your poor mind....., I will own you completely, your soul will be mine.
The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed, The voices you'll hear, from inside your head.
The sweats, shakes, the crazy visions you'll see, I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.
But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart, That you are mine, and we shall never ever part.
You shall regret that you tried me, they always do, But may i remind you, you came to me, not I to you.
You knew it could happen, you, often were told, Challenging my power, you chose to be too bold.
You could have simply said no, and walked away, If you had that day to live over,what would you say?
I'll be your master, you will surely be my slave, I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.
Now that you have met me, what will you do? Will you try me or not? I will leave it all up to you.
I can bring you more misery than words can tell, Come take my hand, let me lead you to a living hell. -

Author's Name Unknown ~
This was written by a young Indian girl who was in jail on drug charges, and was addicted to meth. She wrote this while in jail. And as you will soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she wrote this simple, yet profound poem.
She was released from jail, but true to her story, the drug owned her.
They found her dead not long after, with the Needle still in her arm.

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Conspiracy Theory. Maybe.

There seems to be some monumental incompetence in official places at the moment.

Firstly, all the personal details of child benefit claimants are lost in the post.

Then, Sefton Primary Care Trust send all the personal details of all their staff to 5 seperate companies bidding to privatise services.

Now, the DVLA lose the details of 6000 Northern Ireland drivers, again by posting 2 computer discs.

Now… this might just be incompetence on a monumental scale… but… maybe… just maybe…

If you wanted to completely scupper the Government’s plans to introduce ID cards, what better way to do it than make it look like the Government aren’t competent to protect the personal details that the ID cards would hold?

Conspiracy theory?

I’ll leave it to you.

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News Update

In a follow-up to the declaration of Fatwa against Salman Rushdie, author of The Satanic Verses, the League of Dyslexic Muslims have apologised for the killing yesterday of Willie Rushton. A spokesman explained that it was an inevitable mistake.

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Experience is not everything.

In this week’s “ask the pilot”, (link on blogroll) Patrick Smith writes :

“Facing a serious pilot shortage, airlines are hiring crew members with remarkably little experience. What does this mean for safety?”

Typically, scare-mongers in the press are forecasting disaster. Patrick Smith disagrees, and so do I. Whilst I would not want a “learner driver” at the controls of my holiday jet, too much experience and seniority can let bad habits and complacency creep in.

When a KLM jumbo took off without permission from Los Rodeos airport on Tenerife on 27th March 1977, colliding with a PanAm Jumbo and killing 583 people, the pilot at the helm of the KLM Jumbo was Jacob Van Zanten, KLM’s most senior pilot and their main supervising and training captain.

When a BEA Trident crashed in 1972, seconds after takeoff from Heathrow, killing all 118 on board, the pilot who incorrectly commanded “droops retract” at too slow an airspeed, Stanley Key, was likewise very experienced.

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Still at it

In my email today…………………

Important Banking Mail: New Security StandardDear Abbey National Clients,We are glad to inform you, that our bank is switching to new
Transaction security standards. The new updated technologies
Will ensure the security of your payments through our bank.

We kindly ask you to switched to the new security standard
by clicking on the switch button

I thought that with all the “lost” child benefit bank data around, the Nigerian scammers would have enough to work with, but they’re still at it.

If you are incredibly gullible, why not reply to this posting with your credit card number? Simply title your reply “I think that Caravan Park Manager does not get enough holidays and I want to pay for him to go somewhere hot with my credit card

You have my personal guarantee that I will enjoy a couple of cold beers on a hot beach, while thinking of you. What more can I say, except “it’s Christmas soon….”

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BBC – an apology

The BBC are sorry have to announce the following:-

Due to the recent trouble in Sudan, Sooty’s Christmas tour to Jamaica has been cancelled.

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Bike – or bicycle?

The BBC reports that  a man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.

Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.  Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years. Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr. Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: “They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

“They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down. The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex.”

Both cleaners, who were “extremely shocked”, told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: “In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a ‘cycle-sexualist’.” Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

Now I always thought that… at least in slang… a “bike” was a lady of… how shall I put it… let’s say a “generous nature”…

And what’s happened to privacy behind locked doors… how long will it be before a newly-wed couple are arrested for having sex in the bedroom of their honeymoon hotel?

Of course… we don’t know how old the bicycle was… it might have been under 16….

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Ahh, Mister Bond, I’ve been expecting to be you.

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with
You scored as James Bond, Agent 007

James Bond is MI6’s best agent, a suave, sophisticated super spy with charm, cunning, and a license’s to kill. He doesn’t care about rules or regulations and somewhat amoral. He does care about saving humanity though, as well as the beautiful women who fill his world. Bond has expensive tastes, a wide knowledge of many subjects, and his usually armed with a clever gadget and an appropriate one-liner.

James Bond, Agent 007


Captain Jack Sparrow


Neo, the “One”


Indiana Jones


Lara Croft




William Wallace


The Terminator


El Zorro


The Amazing Spider-Man


Batman, the Dark Knight


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