Archive for November, 2007

Made me laugh, too



I was in Sainsbury’s yesterday, buying a large bag of Winalot for my two dogs and was standing in the queue at the till when a woman behind me asked me if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I’d ended up in the hospital last time, but that it was worth it because I’d lost three stone.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is this: you load your trouser pockets with Winalot and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. I added that the food is nutritionally complete and the diet is so easy I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a bloke who was stood behind her. Horrified, she asked if I’d ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned or because I’d lost too much weight.

I told her no, it was because I’d been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.


Thanks for visiting and commenting, mousie, I’ve enjoyed reading your blog and hope it was ok to repeat this post.

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There’s always a way to avoid hard work…

An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able
to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Dad,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, the police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:

Dear Dad, 
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you, Vinnie

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Brave men.

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What’s still British about BP?

In Jeremy Clarkson’s column in the Sun there is a small piece about an Asian petrol station attendant who refused to serve a soldier in uniform unless he came back in civvies. Witnesses reported that the attendant was anti-war (the captain in the 16 Air Brigade had served in Afghanistan).  The member of staff concerned has not been sacked by BP.

I wonder what would have happened had the member of staff been a white Christian who had refused to serve a woman in a burka until she had gone home and changed?

Personally, I shall be avoiding all BP petrol stations* from now on.




*(unless I’m absolutely desperate and the fuel light is flashing)

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