Back to Back

Well, I’m back.

I wish to disassociate myself from everything I wrote in the last posting….. as far as I am concerned, flying is something to be endured.

At least on a Thomas Cook Airlines Airbus A330.

As we took off, I looked out of the window. There was a field full of veal calves.

They were laughing. Honestly. Some were even rolling around on their backs, they thought it was so funny.

If veals were transported in the same conditions, the EU would prosecute. Human cargo, however, is just a case of “pack ’em in”.

Try this at home.

Set three dining chairs alongside each other, facing the wall. Make sure that the total width taken by the chairs is 50 inches overall. Sit in the middle chair, with friends on either side. You have the middle chair, and you have 16 1/2 inches width. That’s all. Now, making sure that the wall is only 6 inches in front of you, relax and enjoy the comfort for 8 hours. Get another person, ideally with a tea trolley, to bang your friends elbows constantly.

Now you get the full long haul charter flight effect.

You can’t extend your legs, because there is equipment housings under the seat row in front of you. You can’t lean to the side, because the corridor is so narrow.

Oh, and I forgot. After you sit down, you must sit for 45 minutes before you can count the 8 hours. This simulates a computer navigation problem.

Get another friend to reheat some leftovers in a take away container and drop them on your lap. As soon as you start to eat them, have this friend to pass you a cardboard cup of something that looks like coffee for you to spill. The taste doesn’t matter, just make sure it’s hot.

Ok, ok, I’ll stop now.

Sardines get more room, but I will stop moaning.

Right now.

I promise. No more moaning.

I have to stop moaning, because, a day after the flight home, my back is still killing me. So I can’t sit at the desk to type any more.

Owwwwwwwww.

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