Not late this time

Any self-employed person will know that we are approaching the deadline for submitting our Self-Assessment tax returns. You can hardly miss the adverts on the radio.

 Last year I was late, and got a £100 fine, but this year the return is done, 3 days early. However, there is a catch.

“I’ll give you a paying in slip” says the accountant “and I’ll ring you with the amount to pay on Monday”

“It’ll cost you long distance” says I, “because by then I’ll be in Miami”. Yes, it’s time for another dose of sunshine, sea, sand and salmonella – burgers.

“That’s ok, just pay when you get back” he says. “The interest won’t be much. Dont forget to knock off the £1000 you already paid, on account, last year”

“So lets get this straight” I say “If I’m a few days late, they charge me interest, but they have had this £1000 for ages (£500 12 months ago, £500 6 months ago) and they don’t pay me any interest?”

“Yes, that’s about it” says the Accountant.

Now, I don’t want to get all political and rant about Gordon Brown, Bliar and 3 Jags, but it isn’t exactly right, is it?

Many years ago, the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy spoke about “Bistromathics”….. the phenonemon that numbers, on a waiter’s bill pad, in a bistro, don’t follow the usual laws of mathematics. They even used this science to power space-ships.

So I present my solution to Global Warming. We can close all the power stations, take the engines out of cars and aircraft, and run the whole country on Governmathics.

And if that doesn’t work, there’s surely enough “hot air” in Parliament to run the odd steam turbine……………


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